You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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