Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
