I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
