Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
