New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
