i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize