she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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