come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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