i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
