Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
