his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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