I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm experimenting with sincerity
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
