Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
