I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The air taste purple.
Randomize
