he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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