I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The power of my boobs compel you
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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