white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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