To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
