Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
