He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
