College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
