I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
