We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
