I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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