Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
A bitchslap is in order.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
