we're chasing vodka with high fives
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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