saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She has the best kind of daddy issues
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
