you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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