You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
