Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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