So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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