I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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