my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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