Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
