So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
