If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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