i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
