no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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