I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
