Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
