Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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