she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
