zippers are such a cool invention
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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