he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
