eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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