You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
