I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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