I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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