great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im holly from the hills drunk
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
