im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
