so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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