carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
