Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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