I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
