My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
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