census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
