i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize