Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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