I'm gonna have a badass scar
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
someone owes me an orgasm
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
