I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
