are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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