forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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