Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
