Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
