Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
