are you still at the devil's house?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
