So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
