i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
