Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
