I am spending my child support on dildos
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
