Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
