u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
