I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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