Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
