The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
