so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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