i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
