the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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